Okay; so, here's an update; I've finally gotten my internet back again.
As it turns out, there really wasn't anything up with my router as my ISP so vehemently insisted and after all this bullshit, treating me as some sort of tech-noob when I went through its settings, reset it, switched the outbound channel etc. They told me right away, that there had been no error reports in my area and that the internet was able to be smoothly accessed by everyone else... total BS; since I received an email early this morning, saying we had a total dropout out here over the weekend.
I dunno, I just.. think these people should be able to monitor these things themselves if they won't trust the error reports us common Joe's send in, but I digress, I'm just happy to be back around here.
I also wish I hadn't wasted all those hours, trying alternate setups for my equipment...